


Something More

by swallowed_stars



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Domesticity, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, I'd say au but they're hella married lol what au, Keith cries a lot, M/M, Marriage, Side Hance, Very brief mentions of PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 03:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7997245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swallowed_stars/pseuds/swallowed_stars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing was, Shiro wanted kids. He wanted them badly. And Keith, well, he wasn’t even sure he could properly nurture a houseplant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something More

Keith awoke to a much-too-bright room, sunlight slanting in through the fissures in the blinds. He groaned and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands before sparing a glance at the alarm clock.

6:23 am. Not so bad.

His attention shifted to the other side of the bed, currently occupied by Shiro, who was deeply asleep. He smiled as he watched his husband breathing in and out so contentedly. No ragged breaths, no violent fidgeting, just ease. It had been nearly a year since Shiro’s last bout of insomnia and nightmares, but Keith was still grateful whenever he was the first one awake. He reached out to touch Shiro’s shock of white hair, but quickly withdrew his hand. That could wait. Besides, he loved teasing Shiro about oversleeping.

Keith shimmied out of bed as cautiously and quietly as he could manage, pulled on a hoodie, and padded down the hallway towards the kitchen. He practically needed an IV of coffee at this point.

As he waited for the coffee to brew, he leaned against the counter, again rubbing at his eyes. He was really hoping to have caffeine in him before memories of the night before came flooding back to him, but no such luck.

It wasn’t a fight; hell, they never fought unless one was getting frustrated at the other for badmouthing himself, despite how saccharine sweet that was in retrospect. No, this ran deeper. It wasn’t even an issue per se, but somehow they were both still too uncomfortable to address it.

The thing was, Shiro wanted kids. He wanted them badly. And Keith, well, he wasn’t even sure he could properly nurture a houseplant.

Last night after dinner, they took the way home past the park. Keith hadn’t even thought about it until it came up on their periphery and by then, it was too late. Shiro didn’t so much as say a word, but instead he stayed silent and stared at the kids playing and sitting on benches with their respective parents and he looked so fond and so downcast simultaneously. Keith hated it. He hated having to watch that light leave his eyes anytime the two of them were near children because, in truth, Shiro would make the best dad possible. He had such a warm and kind nature and he was always so willing to take care of others first, Keith included. So why couldn’t Keith just do this one thing for him…

The sound of pouring came and coffee dispensed into Keith’s mug. He grabbed the steaming mug and gave a few sips though he felt a pinch of nausea. He then made his way to the living room and sat down on the sofa, putting his head in his hands.

Things were much easier when he was a seemingly emotionless hothead, jumping the gun and not really thinking of anyone but himself. Then again, that was at a time when all he had was himself, and he didn’t want to go back to that if he could help it.

Shiro was always supposed to be the emotional one. Keith thought back to when Shiro had asked if Keith would marry him. Shiro, beautiful, strong, always knows what to do Shiro was trembling so badly he nearly lost his balance only being on one knee. And before Keith said yes, he laughed. He didn’t mean to, and he could see the heartbreak mounting on Shiro’s face when he did it, but it was so ridiculous to him that Shiro would even be nervous about asking such a thing. As if he would ever not say yes to him. As if there were any version of this where he wouldn’t choose Shiro again and again.

So that settled it, right? He could do this for Shiro. But then it hit him again. That gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him Shiro had made a mistake and that someone like Keith, who hadn’t even grown up with a family, would never make a good parent.

Keith exhaled heavily and fished for his phone inside the lining of his hoodie. The screen read 6:45 am. It was slim, but there was a chance. He dialed Lance’s number and, to his surprise, he picked up.

“Well, good morning! How’s half of everyone’s favorite sitcom power couple doing?” Lance cooed at him on the other end, eliciting an irritated eye twitch from Keith.

“Oh, it’s dandy. He’s gotten a promotion, I fix him a scotch on the rocks in my high heels when he gets home every night, and I’m currently pregnant with twins.” Keith said in an unwavering monotone.

“Just do us all a favor and ditch the tight pants when you start getting fat.” Lance shot back.

“I’m gonna punch you in the jaw.”

“Aww, hormonal already. But seriously, what’s up? It’s pretty early…”

Keith sighed, “Yeah, it’s just…Shiro’s still sleeping and I needed to talk to someone. I honestly wasn’t even expecting you to answer.”

“Well, what’s funny about that is-“

“-You never went to sleep.” Keith guessed.

“Hunk got up early and he started making breakfast and you know how I love his waffles so realistically it’s his fault.” Lance said defensively. Keith made out a distant “Hey, Keith!” from Hunk in the background.

“Besides, I can always sneak in a four-hour nap later. Anyways, what’s going on? You guys fighting or something?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s kind of the opposite. It’s a matter of what we won’t bring up.” Keith said.

“The kid thing again?”

“I don’t know what to do, Lance. It’s eating me alive.”

“Has he brought it up again?” Lance asked, to which Keith shook his head and said no. Shiro had only ever brought it up once in passing. It was something along the lines of “What do you think about kids?” and apparently the way Keith’s shoulders sank along with the look of pure terror etched on his face was enough to convince Shiro not to ask again.

“I don’t know what to say, dude. It’s something that you guys just need to discuss one way or the other.” Lance offered. Keith just groaned in response.

“I can’t.”

“You know Shiro will listen to you. He won’t force you into anything, Keith.”

“Yes, I know that and that’s what makes it harder. He’s just, I don’t know, too considerate.”

“Wow, anything else wrong in your life, dude? Your house too nice? Clothes too comfortable?” Lance said. Keith had to suppress the urge to choke him through the phone.

“It’s not like that, okay? Look, if I tell him I’m feeling like this, he’s just going to go along with whatever I want to appease me instead of actually expressing what he wants. He’s going to tell me that it’s fine and I’m going to have to keep living with the fact that I am continually hurting him just because I can’t get over myself. I’m going to have to watch him get that horrible fucking look in his eyes whenever he sees a family out somewhere or whenever he mentors one of his students at the Garrison and I’m going to have to pretend like I’m not the one causing it. I don’t know what to do.” Keith was teetering on the edge of fuming and/or having an egregious breakdown. Whichever came first.

Lance was quiet all the while. He had learned to just let Keith talk instead of jumping in, and it really made him a great friend. If Keith hadn’t felt like putting his foot through a window, he would have given Lance a sappy thank you.

Lance waited until he was sure the onslaught was over before speaking in a very mature and non-Lance way. He said, “Would it be the worst thing in the world? I mean, do you hate the idea?”

“No, I don’t hate the idea. I spent years thinking of what it could be like to have a family, but in a different context. I’m not Shiro, who’s perfect parent material. I’m nothing like him, and I already know what it’s like to be a kid growing up with a fucked up life. I don’t want that for some other orphan out there.” Keith said with a shudder in his voice. He leaned against the back of the sofa and tried his best to relax despite the pounding in his ears.

“Do you even understand how stupid you sound right now?” Lance spat, which immediately caused Keith to bristle. Old habits.

Keith then heard Hunk and Lance arguing in the background.

“Lance, gimme the phone.”

“No! I’m gonna yell at him until he-“

“-That’s not helping anybody, now give it!”

“He called his BEST friend for a reason!”

“Keith has several best friends, now do me a favor and check on the food while I talk to him.”

“Hunk, no!”

After some momentary rustling, Hunk’s voice sounded on the other end of the line.

“Keith?”

“Hey, Hunk.” Keith said with a small chuckle.

“Listen to me, man. No matter what you tell yourself, Shiro isn’t perfect. He has his problems just like any of us, and I know you’ve seen them firsthand.” Hunk said, and flashes of Shiro screaming and cold sweating reverberated in Keith’s mind. It didn’t help the anxiousness in him ebb whatsoever.

“And just like any couple with any sort of problem, you gotta work it out. He loves you so much, Keith. All he wants is to make you happy. And it’s okay to not be sure about something like this, it’s a pretty big commitment.” Hunk said.

“Just…why me, Hunk? Why would he want to have a family with me?” Keith asked, feeling tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

“For those reasons I just listed. I know you don’t want to, but you’ve got to talk this thing out.”

“Do you and Lance want them?” Keith said abruptly.

“Kids? Yeah, we talked about it, and we’d like to at some point later on. He comes from a big family and I’ve known that I want them for awhile now.” Hunk said.

“I want, like, eight kids.” Lance shouted in the background.

“They’re kids, not house pets, dude. We can’t have that many.” Hunk muttered with an amused laugh.

“Eight minimum or I’m walking.” Lance bit back playfully.

“Let’s see you find another husband who will wake up at 6am and make you waffles like this.” Hunk said slyly, to which a barrage of “I’m sorry”’s and “I love you”’s came from Lance.

Keith rolled his eyes and loudly cleared his throat to pull them back to their conversation.

“Anyways, it’s a completely different scenario with us. We talked about it and we went into this already knowing. Like I said, that’s all you and Shiro need to do.” Hunk said with as much encouragement as he could.

Keith knew he was right. He knew it was something he should have done on the day Shiro asked, but he couldn’t bear the thought of letting anyone down, be it Shiro or their child.

“A kid is just so binding and, I don’t know, there are still times where I’m waiting for Shiro to realize he’s made a mistake.” Keith admitted, finally allowing the tears to slip down his cheeks.

“Nothing I say is probably gonna convince you otherwise, but dude, that stuff is all in your head. Shiro would never-“

Keith didn’t get to hear the latter part of Hunk’s statement as two arms—one metallic, one flesh—curled tightly around his shoulders from behind the sofa. Keith, startled, dropped the phone from his hand. He felt Shiro lean down behind him, put his head in the crook of Keith’s neck, and let out a breath that sounded more like a sob.

“Keith…” Shiro breathed out in a tone that was so quiet and broken, it made Keith go completely frigid.

Well, if his heart wasn’t already overworking, it was now absolutely hammering in Keith’s chest. There was no playing this off; Shiro had clearly heard him. Clumsily, Keith grasped at the phone that had landed on the other end of the sofa, put it up to his ear, and said, “I have to go”. He then swiped away the stray tears with his sleeve, as if that would help him any. In the meantime, Shiro had released his hold on him only to come around the side of the sofa and sit next to Keith, taking his hands.

Keith wanted to do almost anything else in the world but look his husband in the eye, and when he did, he felt his insides coil.

Shiro looked on the verge of crying himself. His eyebrows were raised expectantly, no doubt waiting for Keith to break the excruciating silence. He was about to make the man he loved more than anything else in the world cry before eight o’clock in the morning. Nice one, Keith.

“How much did you hear?” Keith questioned and then instantly thought of twelve good reasons why he shouldn’t have opened with that.

“A mistake, Keith?” Shiro raised his voice, though it cracked with the inflection. Keith looked at him so guiltily, but he couldn’t find anything to say.

“Did I do something? Please, you have to tell me.” Shiro moved his robotic hand to cup Keith’s cheek.

“No! Of course you didn’t…” Keith trailed off. Why couldn’t he talk to him? He loved this man and he was doing nothing but hurting him.

“Then what? You’re either having doubts about yourself or about our marriage and either way, I can’t have that.” Shiro was looking a bit more composed now that he had something to focus on, but there was still that edge of distress in his words.

“I know you want children, Shiro. I see how it kills you to think about it. You try to hide it because I looked so scared when you asked me about it and I both love you and want to hit you for that. Here I am being this asshole who’s afraid to confront his own feelings and concerns and I’m dragging you down with me in the process yet you’re the one who feels like he needs to apologize. You’re so amazing, Shiro. You’re amazing and you deserve the best and that’s not me.” Keith was red in the face, he’d sputtered it all out so fast. Afterwards, he just put his face back in his hands, to which Shiro nearly immediately pried them away. He pulled Keith’s chin up so that he had no choice but to look at him.

“Keith, don’t you think it’s for me to decide what’s best for me? Just slow down for a minute. This isn’t a life or death situation; I’m not just going to leave you for not wanting children.” Shiro said, not relinquishing Keith’s face from his hand.

“It’s not that I absolutely don’t, I’m just afraid.” Keith said, lowering his eyes.

“Could you tell me why you’re afraid? I’m not going to try to talk you into it, but I want to understand. Please, babe?”

“Because you’ll be the perfect dad. You know exactly how to connect with everyone. You know exactly how to take care of everyone. I barely know how to take care of myself, let alone a kid. I didn’t get to have a family growing up, so I have no idea where to even start. I don’t want to ruin someone’s life if I can help it.” Keith said, still looking at the floor.

“Babe, look at me?” Shiro asked. He was always asking, never demanding. Keith did as he was prompted.

“I understand that you’re scared. Truth is, I am too. It’s not like people instantly know what every child out there needs. And so what if you didn’t have a family before? That doesn’t mean you won’t know anything about taking care of someone. You’ve done it for me for years now. It’s different than a child, I know, but children don’t want someone to be perfect; they just want someone to be there.” Shiro said, and Keith was reminded of an orphan boy, thin as a candlestick, who had only ever wanted companionship.

Shiro went on, “I guarantee you most of the things that you think are so ‘perfect’ about me are there because of you. You inspire me to be better. I don’t always like myself; you know that. But then I see how much someone as wonderful as you could love me and then I think that I must be doing things right. Keith, you are so much more than you admit to yourself. The things I’m confident about in myself are all things I see reflected through you. You make me a better man, and that’s why you’re my husband. That’s why, no matter what you choose, I will always love you. You’re enough, Keith. I mean that.” Shiro said tenderly, stroking away tears that once again ran down his husband’s face.

Keith lunged at Shiro, pinning him down in a near rib-crushing hug. Keith was now sobbing into Shiro’s chest, his fists gripping the other man’s shirt like it was the only thing tethering him there.

“I love you.” Keith whispered almost inaudibly, but Shiro caught it.

“I love you too.” Shiro said, wrapping his arms around Keith’s small frame and drawing him closer. “And no matter what, I’ll be patient. Don’t feel so pressured, okay? I’m still with you.”

Keith nodded, gulping air back into his lungs, and they stayed there, Keith lying on top of him, Shiro carding a hand through his dark hair. It went on for some time until Shiro spoke up.

“I can’t believe you tried going to Lance for romantic advice. I’d figure you’d go to Pidge or Allura or even a slightly-educated bird before going to Lance.” Shiro chortled.

“Lance can actually be pretty insightful.” Keith murmured against Shiro’s chest.

“Really?”

“Not really, no. I was hoping Hunk would get the phone.” Keith said. They both laughed heartily at that before Shiro leaned down and captured his husband in a kiss.

Keith sat upright and settled more squarely on top of Shiro, who had long since broken the first kiss and was now tracing a line of kisses along Keith’s cheek leading up to his forehead. Keith inclined his head to better allow for his husband’s forehead kisses and reached under Shiro’s shirt, caressing the scars that ribboned out all over his body. For the first time in awhile, Keith let himself relax into Shiro and into the moment altogether.

 

\----

Keith awoke, not feeling much exhaustion despite hardly being able to sleep. He spared a glance at the alarm clock.

6:40 am. Not so bad.

It had been some time since his talk with Shiro (a few months, maybe?), and things had felt much lighter since then. Keith certainly didn’t wake up panicking anymore, and he allowed himself time to think it over on his own terms. He had his days where he felt confident and his days where he felt nervous, but overall, he felt that he could do it. He could be enough for Shiro, whom he helped through those sullen nights and whom he loved so dearly. He could be enough for their child. He could be enough to help that thin little boy from the orphanage get something he’d always hoped for in the past.

With Shiro by his side, how wrong could things even go? Two years of being married had only changed them for the better, so maybe it was time for something more. Maybe it was time for Keith to pop a question that had an obvious answer.

He looked over at Shiro who was dozing lightly and shook him.

“Hm?” Shiro murmured tiredly.

“You should get up. We’ve gotta get going.”

“Where’re we going?” Shiro sat up, eyes half-lidded.

“My old orphanage. It’s a good day for it, don’t you think?” Keith pressed a kiss into his husband’s hair and hopped out of bed. It took approximately three seconds for Shiro to properly assess what had just happened and when he did, he tugged Keith back onto the bed and pinned him beneath him. Keith was suddenly met with a very alert, wide-eyed Shiro hovering over him.

“Do you mean…”

“Yes, Shiro, I do.”

Shiro gave a huge bark of a laugh and peppered kisses over every last inch of Keith’s face. Shiro, beautiful, strong, always knows what to do Shiro even let slip a few tears of happiness. He always was the emotional one.

**Author's Note:**

> I took some definite liberties here with the setting like do they even have sitcoms in the Voltron universe who knows not me. 
> 
> Anyways, I intended for this to be a few years down the road where Shiro and Keith have been married for a couple years and Lance and Hunk are pretty much newlyweds (meanwhile Keith and Lance are bffs cause I'm 10000% here for that). This whole thing pretty much arose from my inherent need to see Keith Kogane cry along with my inherent need to see Sheith kiddos. I just want peace and happiness for everyone in this show, please help them.


End file.
